Jokes to Cheer Us Up !

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CasRus
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Re: Jokes to Cheer Us Up !

Post by CasRus » 19 Apr 2020, 11:29

Come on Guys ! I started this topic off to put some of the serious posted topics and current issues on the back burner so I hope you can add some jokes !

Here's one for today:-

Mickey Mouse and Mini Mouse are in Marriage Guidance.

The Marriage Guidance Counsellor says to Mickey, "You can't Divorce Mini just because she has Bad Teeth" !

Mickey said, " I didn't say that at all, I said she was F.ck.ng Goofy" !!!

CasRus
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Re: Jokes to Cheer Us Up !

Post by CasRus » 20 Apr 2020, 09:14

The only way for a couple to have an "afternoon quickie" in Lockdown with their 8 year old son around was to send him out on the balcony with a mars bar to eat and tell him to take his time eating it and also to shout through any reports on any activity in the street.

So while having their quickie, their son started shouting out reports to them.

"An Ambulance has just gone by"

"The Andersons have just had a delivery from Asda"

"Matty is on his Bike"

"Looks like the Sanders have gone into full lockdown"

"Harrison's mum is telling him off"

After a few seconds, he announced "The Coopers are Shagging"

Startled, his mum and dad shot up in bed and Dad called out, "How Do You Know That" ?

His son responded, "Jimmy Cooper's on the balcony eating a Mars Bar" !!!!

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Re: Jokes to Cheer Us Up !

Post by Flat Capper » 20 Apr 2020, 21:43

Women can be confusing.

Earlier the wife said she'd had enough and made me pack my bags and leave. As I was leaving she thought she'd have one final dig, "hope you have a long, slow death!"

I just shook my head, turned around saying, "make your mind up!"
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CasRus
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Re: Jokes to Cheer Us Up !

Post by CasRus » 03 May 2020, 18:07

After all these weeks of Lockdown and you and the wife have finally decided to throw the towel in and she has decided to leave you, make sure her bags are packed and book the taxi for 8pm on a Thursday so it looks like the whole street is glad to see the back of her !!!!!! :lol: :lol:

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Re: Jokes to Cheer Us Up !

Post by baldtiger » 04 May 2020, 10:32

Am sat reading a newspaper when the wife smacked over the head with a rolled up magazine !
Whats that for I said , av found a note in your jacket pocket with lusty lulu written on it.
Jesus love that was the name of the horse that won last week , I bought you some flowers out of me winnings remember.
Oh am so sorry !
Few days later she hit me again this time with a frying pan , knocked me out cold !
When I came too I said what was that for .
She says your f****** horse rang ! lol

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Re: Jokes to Cheer Us Up !

Post by CasRus » 11 May 2020, 20:15

So, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland are to "STAY AT HOME! !!

Sounds more like the Football World Cup Finals to me !!!

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Re: Jokes to Cheer Us Up !

Post by CasRus » 12 May 2020, 14:02

A Bloke gets admitted to one of the new Nightingale Hospitals and he's the only one in the room and has a phone by his bedside.
He's been unconscious and wakes up and doesn't know where he is and what is going on.
The phone rings and he picks it up and a voice says that he is his doctor.
The Doctor proceeds to tell him some bad news which is that He has Covid 19 and that they have also found out under a full test that he has Aids, Hepatitis and to top it all he has the Ebola Virus also !
The Doctor explains that with all these symptoms they are having to put him on a Pizza Diet as part of the treatment !
The Bloke says, "Pizza Diet ? is that going to help and cure me" ???
The Doctor says, Not Really, but it's only what we can FIT UNDER THE DOOR !!
:dance: :dance:

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Re: Jokes to Cheer Us Up !

Post by Ken Smith » 15 May 2021, 10:07

This isn’t a joke but in fact a true story I heard on Sky Arts TV on gardening which made me laugh:-

A lady saw a hedgehog in her garden trying to mate with a scrubbing brush. Apparently the male hedgehog had just woken up from his hibernation and may have still been a bit drowsy and assumed that the scrubbing brush was a female hedgehog still in hibernation. It crossed my mind that it might be a good advert with words “He should have gone to Specsavers”.

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Re: Jokes to Cheer Us Up !

Post by Piquad1 » 15 May 2021, 10:48

Lol.

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